The Inebriated Orange
by TayMor
Summary: Zoro challenges Nami to a drinking game, which she loses. However he is the one forced to deal with his drunken nakama when she begins attacking the other crew members. Whatever will come of it? T for lime and language.
1. The Dare

**Rated T for language and lime. Shi shi shi (^_^)... I kinda like the sound of that...**

**Sugoi – cool, katana – sword, sake – liquor.**

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"SUGOI!" Monkey D. Luffy's enraptured cry could be heard by everyone, from every corner of the Thousand Sunny. All the other crew members cringed at noise their captain was makng. Tony Tony Chopper, the ship's doctor, was the first to respond. The miniature reindeer scuttled from the men's quarters to the source of the noise – the kitchen.

"What? What's cool, Luffy? Tell me!" his high pitched shriek joined with the excited laughter of the ship's captain.

From her place on the deck, Nico Robin hid her smile behind her book and switched off the large light Franky had made for her. It was all going according to plan.

"It's a mountain!" Luffy exclaimed. "A mountain of meat!" The rubber boy was dancing around the mountain of meat that was positioned on the table of the Thousand Sunny.

"Sugoi," Chopper breathed, screeching to a halt as he entered the kitchen, his eyes widening in amazement. "It's HUGE!"

"I know, I know!" Luffy continued. Chopper leapt into the air and flung his arms around Luffy's neck.

"Guys! Guys!" he squealed with excitedly! "You have to come and see!" The next person to enter the kitchen was Usopp – the legendary liar.

"EEHH!" he yelled in fake surprise, not that Chopper and Luffy would realize that he was faking. Their brains were simply not created that way. The rest of the crew tumbled into the kitchen... aside from Nico Robin – she was her usual serene self.

"Where did this come from, Luffy?" Nami asked, a large smile splitting her face as she elbowed Zoro out of the way. The swordsman scowled at her, but not for long... Luffy's enthusiasm was contagious, even though they all knew about the mountain of meat beforehand. They had, after all, been the ones to create it.

"I don't know! But it's so cool! And it's my birthday too!" Luffy exclaimed, pure joy written all over his face. It was no secret that meat was Luffy's favourite food of all time.

"It is a SUPER meat mountain," Franky exclaimed, going into one of his favourite poses. Nami sweat-dropped.

"It's certainly very mysterious," Nico Robin said, smiling. "Maybe the great Fifty Legged Sea Monster brought it as a gift for you, Luffy," she continued. Luffy's eyes widened as new excitement coursed through him. Nico Robin was the smartest one on the ship, so if she said so, then it must be true. The notion had a different effect on Chopper.

"F-f-fifty Legged Sea Monster?" he squealed, tightening his grip on Luffy's neck... which had the rubber captain's face reddening as he gasped for air. Sanji chose that moment to light up a cigarette.

"Aa..." he said. All eyes turned to him. "During my time at Baratie, we got a visit from the Fifty Legged Sea Monster," he said, blowing the smoke from his lips for dramatic effect. Chopper shivered. Usopp turned around slowly. He had been in on the plan, but _this Fifty Legged Sea Monster _part had _not_ been a part of the plan... which could only mean...

"S-Sanji... you must be j-joking, right? E-exactly how big was it?" Usopp stuttered. Sanji's eyes grew serious.

"It was huge..." was his reply. A smoke ring floated from his mouth and over Usopp's face. Usopp trembled. "It scared my precious _ladies_," the cook continued.

"Yo-ho-ho-ho!" Brook cackled. "I saw this monster many a time as I sipped tea on my ghost ship! It made my eyes bulge... except I didn't have any eyes!" He laughed – by himself – at his own joke.

"I've heard about it too," Zoro said, resting his hand on the hilt of one of his katanas. "I heard only a demon sword like Sandai Kitetsu can cut it." Usopp and Chopper gulped, their eyes wide with fear.

A loud 'chomp' caught everyone's attention. Luffy was sitting on the floor of the kitchen, simultaneously gnawing at two legs of ham.

"It'sh sho goog!" he exclaimed over a mouthful of food. There was a short moment of silence, then the crew attacked the mountain of meat in a frenzy that would only occur on a night like tonight. The Fifty Legged Sea Monster was forgotten by all... except Chopper. The little reindeer shuddered. "The Fifty Legged Sea Monster cooks just as good as Sanji!"

Franky opened the port in his stomach and pulled out a hose which was connected to a container of amber liquid.

"I made SUPER sake," the blue haired half-robot exclaimed. Nami and Zoro slammed tankards onto the table immediately.

"That doesn't look healthy," Usopp declared, shuddering.

"Fill 'er up, Franky," Zoro said, grinning at Franky. Franky directed his sake dispenser to Zoro's tankard.

"Oi, ladies first, Franky," Nami demanded, shoving her tankard closer to his dispenser than Zoro's was. Franky turned his dispenser her way.

"Oi, Franky, I'm the first mate, _and _I asked first!" Zoro said, knocking Nami's tankard out of the way with his. He was tired of her always having to get her way regardless of how it affected other people... namely _him_.

"Oi, let the lady go first, marimo," Sanji commanded, frowning at the thought that one of his beautiful princesses would be at a disadvantage.

"Besides," Nami cut in, "I do more for this crew than you do. I should be the first mate." Unfortunately for Zoro, Franky did agree that ladies should go first, and he filled her tankard first. Zoro scowled.

"You get us into more trouble than I do. Also, it is not your decision who is first mate and who isn't. That's totally up to Luffy, and he chose me," Zoro snapped, downing his sake in almost a single gulp.

"He hadn't met me yet," Nami countered, swallowing as much of her sake as she could.

"That... is sort of true," Usopp said. Nico Robin covered his mouth with a hand which sprouted from the table.

"SHUT UP!" Zoro yelled at Usopp the same time Nami thanked him. Usopp decided he would rather be on Zoro's bad side than Nami's. The woman was a terror. "He still wouldn't choose you, you witch. Besides, you're no fun and you only think of yourself," Zoro continued. He held his tankard out to Franky, who filled it up again. "You selfish, thieving witch," Zoro mumbled, taking another gulp of his sake.

Behind them, Luffy, Brook and Chopper were having the time of their lives. Brook was singing a song whose lines all ended with 'chomp chomp'. At that signal, Luffy and Chopper tried to eat as much as possible while keeping chopsticks stuck up their noses. Nico Robin was watching them with an amused expression on her face while serenely putting up with Sanji's attentions.

"What did you just call me?" Nami shrieked after gulping down the remaining sake in her tankard. She shoved it at Franky who refilled it immediately.

"Guys, maybe you shouldn't-"

"SHUT UP!" Zoro and Nami yelled simultaneously, glaring at each other. Zoro didn't care how cute Nami looked, all glowering and angry... he got a kick out of annoying her sometimes, just to see that face... but she had gone too far this time.

"I called you a selfish, thieving bitch, which is just what you are!" Zoro yelled, leaning forward. Nami stuck her face closer to his.

"If it wasn't for me, this crew wouldn't get anywhere! I am, after all, the navigator... _and_ I bring in most of the money," Name hissed.

"That is... again sort of true..." Usopp said again, having managed to free his mouth from Nico Robin's hand.

"SHUT UP!" Sanji, Franky, Nami and Zoro chorused.

"Yeah, but you're a manipulative witch, and you're no fun; you can't even hold your liquor. Also, me and Sanji always have to be saving your ass," Zoro said, slamming his tankard to the table. Franky filled it wordlessly.

"I'm keeping up with you, aren't I? I've drunk the same amount that you have! And, someone has to keep you guys in line. I do fine on my own... if you haven't noticed, I am beautiful," Nami slurred loudly, raking her fingers through her hair.

"Alright, I have a dare for you. If you can hold as much liquor as me without getting stupid drunk, then I will concede that you're a pirate and not just a nasty, thieving, self-centred bitch," Zoro declared, folding his arms across his expansive chest. "After all, a real pirate needs to be able to hold his, or her, liquor and then be able to fight afterwards."

"I ACCEPT!" Nami yelled immediately, too drunk to consider the fact that she would never win against Zoro... which he, and every other member with half a brain, knew.

Minutes later, two rows of tankards were lined off in between Zoro and Nami, with nine tankards a row. Zoro called it 'drinking to each of the Mugiwara crew's members. The tankards were brimming with sake.

"Okay," Zoro said. "We both have to coherently call out the names of this crew in the order that we joined, then, we drink, and all the others have to repeat the name after our drink." Everyone nodded. Even Chopper and Luffy pulled up alongside the drinking game to watch.

"Start!" Brook called out.

"Luffy," Zoro said, very clearly.

"Luffy," Nami said, with only the slightest slur. They both put their tankards to their lips and guzzled the contents. Zoro finished long before Nami did, and waited for her to finish.

"Luffy!" the rest of the crew shouted.

"Zoro," Zoro said, grinning. His hand reached for the second tankard.

"Zorrro," Nami said, slurring on the 'r' in Zoro's name. She put the tankard to her lips and swallowed the liquid as fast as she could so she could beat out Zoro. She had no chance. Zoro slammed his tankard back to the floor before she was even half done with hers.

"Zoro!" the crew shouted after Nami finally rested her tankard down. The orange haired navigator swayed a little.

"Usopp!" Zoro yelled, grasping the handle of the third tankard.

By the time they got to Nami, the fifth tankard, since she officially joined after Sanji when the crew defeated Arlong, the orange-haired woman was slurring random words and swaying... even though she was seated.

"Keep going, Nami," Sanji encouraged. Nami's response was to throw a still-full tankard of sake at his head. He dodged it, only to have it collide forcefully with Usopp's face.

"Taaake dat, you c-cook," Nami slurred, and hiccupped. She tottered to her feet, too drunk to remember the game, much to Zoro's pleasure, and swayed. "Are we onna ship?" she mumbled absently.

"Yes, Nami," Nico Robin supplied helpfully, an amused smile on her face.

"Shhhhuttup... Nikker Brobin!" Nami slurred, swiping a ham bone at Nico Robin's head with surprisingly powerful force. Not wanting his precious dame to be hit with the bone, Sanji jumped into the way, and the large bone hit him squarely on the head.

"Way to get hit, curly," Zoro laughed, still remarkably sober. As if to further prove this, he began to finish the rest of his tankards of sake. A large bump rose up on Sanji's head.

"I would take any hit for one of my precious ladies," Sanji stated, his hearts emanating from his entire body. "You're not hurt, are you, my sweet Robin-swan?" Zoro rolled his eyes.

Meanwhile, Nami was in the stage of angry drunk, and was attacking everyone with intoxicated abandon.

"Oi, Luffy!" Usopp cried as Nami chased him round the table. "Make Zoro take Nami away! He was the one that made her this way, so make him deal with her!" Luffy looked innocently to Usopp.

"Don't you like the game she is playing with you?" he asked, not understanding why Usopp was so scared. It was only Nami, after all... and she was nakama.

"NO!" Usopp screeched so vehemently his teeth appeared jagged and his eyes were mere slits. He jerked to a halt to plead with Luffy. "Please make this stop!" he yelled, just as Nami caught up to him and whacked him over the head with a chair.

"Zoro," Luffy said. "Take care of Nami so Usopp can escape." Everyone else had major sweatdrops on their faces since Nami was currently bashing Usopp with the chair. Chopper started to cry.

Zoro sighed in annoyance and flung Nami over his shoulder. She wriggled out of his grasp until her hands were almost trailing on the floor. As Zoro stomped out of the kitchen, holding Nami in a weird position due to her wriggling, Nami swiped a tankard of sake from the floor and upturned it in her mouth... well she tried to, but the majority of it ended up on the floor. Zoro scowled. Stupid Nami.

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**If you cracked even one smile, please review! Haha! I am DYING to know what you think!**


	2. The Dame

**Guys... I seriously did not mean to take a whole month to update this! SORRY! Thank you for the lovely response!**

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Zoro scowled as he dragged Nami from the kitchen, allowing the door to slam behind him. He could hear Chopper's worried squeals as he tried to resuscitate Usopp, and Brook's relieved laughter when the sharpshooter came to. Luffy was still eating loudly enough for it to be audible, and there was soft, patient laughter from Nico Robin who was enduring Sanji's affections.

A loud belch from the woman over Zoro's shoulder reminded him which end of the stick he'd landed with.

The Nami end. Scratch that. The drunken Nami end.

The navigator was now the definition of the term 'deep in her cups'. She was rambling continuously to inanimate objects, the floor being her latest target.

"Hhhheeello, flooorr," she was saying. "I hhaven't shheeen you this c-c" She hiccupped. "Thhiss c-cloosshhee before." Of course she hadn't. Zoro made a frustrated noise in his throat. Since she always ordered someone else to swab the deck, no wonder she hadn't- She slid from his grip and crashed to the deck, giggling madly. She began patting the floor with a limp hand.

Zoro sent a look skyward and then turned, his eyes widening when he saw Nami's pink tongue taking swift passage toward to wooden deck. He grabbed her under her armpits and yanked her out of reach of the wood.

"Silly woman," he grumbled, a little unsure of what exactly he was supposed to _do_ with her. She began kicking her feet.

"Zorrooo..." she complained. "Put me doowwnn." He released her unceremoniously, and she miraculously landed on her feet. A cry of pain slashed the 'miraculously' from the previous sentence. She'd twisted her leg. Zoro sighed, picking her up again, bridal style this time.

"Sorry," he muttered gruffly, managing to smell her 'Nami' scent underneath the alcohol. Unlike the majority of female pirates, Nami managed to smell good all the time... not that he smelled her... or anything. She chose that moment to rest her head in the crook of his neck, one arm going round his shoulders. Zoro's heart gave a funny thump. Her hair was so soft and silky his fingers itched to sink among the orange strands, holding her head while he kissed those lips senseless. She was so close he could probably...

No.

He was a swordsman. He had stamina. He had willpower, and determination. He could resist her. He was Roronoa Zoro.

And it was at that moment that he realized he was just standing there with her in his arms.

It was also that moment in which Nami began licking his neck, sending jolts of awareness, and dare he say, pleasure tingling down his spine. His knees gave a suspicious wobble. Oh Kami...

No.

He was a swordsman, dammit. He had stamina, willpower and determination. He could resist her... he just didn't want to. But he had to. So, with that thought in mind, Zoro growled a little and flung her back over his shoulder. She gave a little shriek of inebriated surprise.

"Zorroooo..." He steeled himself for her complaints. Wrong choice. Why? Because instead of complaining, Nami began giggling, and before Zoro even had time to be confused, her small hands were grabbing at his ass and squeezing the cheeks generously. Zoro flinched, involuntarily tightening the muscles in his rear end as he tried to dance away from her hands. It was a futile endeavour, because she was flung over his shoulder and had perfect reach no matter which direction he moved his hips in. And damn it, but her hands palming him felt so good he was almost tempted to just let her... but then he wouldn't be able to stand for much longer and what the hell was he even thinking?! Luffy would have his head if he knew! Well... probably not, but... but someone would! Right?

"Woman," he growled, trying to catch her wayward hands with his free hand by twisting it behind himself. It only worked marginally, because one of her hands always seemed to be free.

"Yer butt'sssshh niiccee, Zorroo," she said over a giggle. Zoro felt heat flood his neck and cheeks. This woman! He gave up trying to catch her hands and, instead, grabbed her waist with both hands and lifted her away from him. She gave a squeal of disappointment at being deprived of his buttocks, pouting at him as he held her in front of him.

What was he to do with her? He had to get her to the woman's quarters, but it was quite a distance to go if she was going to be squeezing his ass the whole way there! There was only so much he could take. He could hold her like this and walk with her... but then he would be subjected to staring at her chest the whole way, and he couldn't take much of that either. Carrying her bridal style hadn't worked either, what with her licking his neck. Zoro sent her a baleful stare.

"Zorroo... I have a secret... wanna hear?" Nami whispered, giving him a conspiratorial smile while looking around surreptitiously. No. He did not want to hear her secret... okay fine, he did.

"What is it?" the swordsman asked, blinking at her. Nami giggled and leaned forward.

"When you scowl... it only makes y-you look hhoottt," she said, her dazed eyes still managing to twinkle mischievously. Zoro scowled at her. When her grin widened, he realized what she said and felt heat crawl up his neck. What the heck? Had she been... had she...?

"I've been..." She hiccupped. "I've been ww-watching you..." she giggled, reaching out a hand to run it through his short green hair. Zoro's eyelids drooped a little at the feeling of her nails scraping against his scalp before he snapped himself back and scowled at her again.

He set her on the floor, wincing a little at her squeal of pain as her injured ankle took her weight. He turned her around quickly and hoisted her back over his shoulder, her legs dangling over his back. There was no way those sneaky little hands would reach his ass now. Zoro managed to get to the door to the women's quarters, his hand outstretched to turn the knob, when he found himself in a new predicament.

Small hands were stroking and squeezing the package between his legs, sending waves of pleasure zinging through every inch of him. What the hell? Nami giggled. Zoro's knees trembled again. It wasn't even so much that she was doing _that _to him... it was that _she_ was doing _that_ to _him. _If he hadn't been secretly wondering what it would be like... with her... then this might not be so-

"Zzoorroo," she breathed, as if a secret had been revealed to her... and thankfully, interrupting his dangerous thoughts. "It's so.." He promptly let her slide to the floor, her 'oomph' cutting off the rest of her sentence. He wasn't sure what he would have done had she finished it. Zoro's face was so hot he felt a little light-headed. He eyed her warily as he tried to control his breathing and accelerated heartbeat.

"You little witch," he growled huskily, picking her up again when she began to whimper. Her arms twined around his waist as she leaned against him, and she began rubbing her cheek against the thin material covering his chest. Like a kitten. She was so beautiful...

No.

Zoro pulled himself together again, yanking the door open and almost dragging her to the women's quarters. Almost. He never quite got to actually move forward another step, because Nami's question froze every muscle in his body... save his heart... which went into overdrive.

"Zoro..." she began, her voice deceptively calm and slur-free. "Can you kiss me?"

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**Not really as funny as the last chapter, but what the heck! Lol! Thinking to make this a three-shot... so likely only one chapter left... which will be out much sooner, I PROMISE! Reviewww! Haha PLEHZ!**


	3. The Demand

**I am an awful person, for taking this long. I lost my progress in a computer crash… yes, another one! Do forgive me!**

**On'na - woman**

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Zoro reeled backwards in shock. '_W-What? What the hell was that?' _he thought, his mind spinning as he desperately tried to return to the present. He blinked dumbly at her for a few moments before vigorously shaking his head.

"N-No! Baka on'na!" he sputtered, feeling red heat surge up his neck and cheeks. Damn her. He could get any woman he wanted, and he often did, but this drunken witch had reduced him to a sputtering ninny, which he certainly was _not!_ She whimpered, dragging his focus back to her.

"B-but Zorroo," she complained, peering up at him with large, pleading eyes. "I've been wondering for sssooo d- hic… damn long… about what you would taste like…" she whined, slapping weakly at his chest. Zoro blinked, the heat in his face a constant distraction… until she pursed her lips. Like she really wanted him to –

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

This was not a train of thought admirable in a master swordsman such as him. He should banish these thoughts of giving in to her, because Roronoa Zoro never gave in to anyone unless by Captain's Order. He would not start giving in now.

When Nami's hands slid up over his shoulders, Zoro reached instinctively for the hilts of his swords; they were his first option for defense. But… but he couldn't very likely slice Nami to pieces, so that was a stupid instinct in this case. Not that it was impossible, but Luffy would have him killed… the Captain's disappointment alone would probably kill Zoro.

"I don't care," Zoro rasped gruffly, reaching around her for the door. Her palms came up to clasp his face, causing his hands to jerk to a halt on the doorknob.

"Zoro… please…" she whispered, stumbling a little into him. Zoro felt something inside him give. He could just give her a small kiss, right? For the sake of keeping the peace and whatnot? This was his fault, anyway. He was the one that had gotten her drunk in the first place.

"I'm a g-good kisser… hic… I promise…" she continued, somehow managed to make her drunken promises sound appealing to the green haired swordsman. "Don't you think I c-c-can make it good for you?"

A muscle he'd rather not identify twitched at her question. He would lay bets on the fact that she could make it good for him… not that he would tell her so. Maybe he should get this over and done with, then. He leaned forward, and his gaze dropped to her lips and stayed. Just a few more inches and he could…

No. No, no, no. He should resist. Luffy would murder him. Sanji would never forgive him, even though he couldn't care less about that… but… poor Chopper would be scandalized! Conscious that he was drawing for any reason to hold back, he straightened, pulling himself away from her and pushing a stubborn set to his jaw.

"No. Now shut up and let me take you to your room, stupid witch," Zoro grumbled, becoming more and more annoyed by the second.

He managed to get the door open this time. He managed to forge on despite her whimpers and pleadings. He even managed to deposit her on her cot. He did not, however, manage to leave. Why? Because Nami began wailing.

If it was just sniffles and a few tears, he could have hastily fled the room, but no. Trust Nami to cause an entire scene. She literally tilted her head back, opened her mouth, and wailed. Wailed. And Zoro like the idiot that he was, jerked to a halt… became a useless statue of a man. What the hell was he to do now?

"Kuso," he cursed beneath his breath when the sound of several pairs of running footsteps approached the room. Sanji. Of course, the stupid ero-cook would be the first on the scene. No doubt he brought along Usopp and Chopper to look on as well.

"ZOOORRROO! BAKA MARIMO!" the cook screamed before he even entered the room. "HOW DARE YOU MAKE NAMI-SWAN CRY?!" Zoro scowled.

"H-How do you even know it was my fault, you stupid cook! I didn't do anything to her!" Zoro defended, folding his arms across his chest and trying not to be too disconcerted by Nami's loud screams. She was literally sitting there on her cot, bawling because he wouldn't kiss her! Of course she was stupid drunk, but still… Zoro couldn't help feel a little pleased that she wanted it that much.

Not that he wanted her to want that. Well, he did, but – No. No, no, no he couldn't seriously be considering this right now. He really couldn't, especially since Sanji's foot was on a direct path to his face.

With a smooth motion, Zoro blocked with the flat of a quickly drawn sword. Sanji's face was literally lobster-like with rage, and his teeth had a jagged cast to them.

"Of course it's your fault, idiot moss head! Look at her! What did you do to her?" the cook interrogated between kicks. Chopper, Usopp and Brook screeched into the room, eyes wide and expectant… well not Brook… since he had no eyes.

"OI, Nami looks SUPER sad, Zoro… what is going on here?" Franky asked, as he too stumbled into the room.

"Zoro, why is Nami crying?" Luffy asked as he trotted into the women's quarters, a large leg of meat still grasped in his fist. Luffy's innocently asked question had Zoro backing up and heat pulsing in his neck. Damn. They were all looking expectantly at him.

"Are you going to answer, Zoro-san?" Nico Robin asked quietly, but firmly enough for Zoro to hear over Nami's continued wails. He hadn't even noticed that she too had entered the room.

The entire crew was staring at him expectantly, some glaring, others curious, and Zoro began to feel a little flustered.

"I-I didn't do anything! I'm serious!" he declared.

"He didn't do anything," Luffy said, nodding his head before biting into the meat in his hands. Luffy believed him. That's all that really mattered. What a relief. "Zoro is my First Mate, so he can't be lying," the Mugiwara Captain declared over a mouthful of meat.

"He-He's LLYYYIINNGGG!" Nami blubbered. "Zoro… Zoro is MMEEAAANN!"

The relief fled. Luffy was fair. He wouldn't believe one crew member over another in a time like this. Shit. And everyone else was already on Nami's side. What the hell was he supposed to do?

"Zoro," Luffy started, cocking his head to the side, with an incredibly serious look on his face. "Nami is our nakama. Why is she crying?"

Zoro scowled at the thought responding. He had to now, didn't he? The Captain was asking it of him. It didn't matter how little respect Zoro had for the other members of the Mugiwara crew, but the person he held with the highest respect was Luffy. Damn it.

"She asked for something unreasonable," Zoro stated, folding his arms over his chest and dodging another of Sanji's vicious kicks.

"SANJI!" Luffy said loudly, the effects of his Haki forcing Sanji to stand down. Oh crap. Zoro felt his heart beginning to race. Damn it! Chopper began whimpering as he trotted over to Nami and began patting her back consolingly.

"Be a gentleman and give what she asked for to her, Zoro-kun," Franky said, folding his arms.

"No," Zoro said plainly. "It was unreasonable." He couldn't tell them she wanted a kiss. He couldn't.

"What did she want, Zoro?" Luffy asked, his face serious, but also curious. Zoro scowled at Nami, which had the rest of the crew scowling at him. Shit. They all thought he'd done something to her, didn't they?

"It's no secret that you hate Nami, Zoro," Sanji said, glowering at Zoro. "What did you refuse her? How could you refuse dear Nami-swan anything?"

"She asked for a personal favor," Zoro hedged. "But it was unreasonable. I won't do it."

"Was it to settle a d-debt, Zoro?" Chopper asked. "N-nami often asks for a lot of money, but sh-she always shares with us," the little reindeer sputtered, tears beading in the corners of his eyes.

"You do owe her a lot of money, swordsman-san," Brooke declared without his customary hoot of laughter.

"H-HE WOULDN'T DO IT FOR… hic … ME!" Nami wailed, glaring petulantly at Zoro and pointing at him with an accusatory finger.

"Baka on'na! I won't do it!" Zoro yelled testily before he could stop himself.

"You will if Luffy orders you to do it," Sanji yelled, literally twitching with the need to attack Zoro.

"Oi, stuff it, Curly," Zoro spat, scowling at Sanji.

"Zoro…" Luffy said, his meat forgotten in his hand. "I order you to do what she asked. She's our nakama."

Zoro's eye twitched.

Oh hell no.

'_Well, this is what you wanted anyway, wasn't it?'_ a little voice in his head taunted. '_And now that Luffy has ordered you to do it, it isn't like you can get out of it now.' _

Zoro's fingers jerked and he gritted his teeth.

Nami stopped blubbering and began sniffing and wiping her eyes with the backs of her hands.

The remainder of the Mugiwara crew stared.

Zoro walked over to Nami and stood before her. How she still managed to look attractive was beyond him. He looked back at the crew.

"Well, go on!" Sanji ordered, scowling. "Give the precious _lady _what she wants!"

Zoro turned back to face Nami who was blinking up at him and shifting restlessly. Now or never. Well… more like now, because Luffy had ordered him to do it. Damn.

Zoro grasped her chin with one hand and pulled her to her feet, pausing for only a short moment before he pressed his lips to hers. They were all watching, so Zoro hoped they were pleased.

When Nami's plump lips softened against his, though, Zoro lost all consciousness of the crew. Her lips parted even before his did, which made his heart thunder in his chest. When she deepened the kiss, Zoro realized something. She'd been right. She was a good kisser.

She swayed against him, one hand fisting in his shirt and the other reaching round to scrape nails at the nape of his neck. Her lips moved against his, even as she explored the inside of his mouth, and he let her. Nami made a soft sound in her throat, a sound which sent shivers down Zoro's spine and a pool of heat to his gut. He threaded his tanned fingers in her soft, fragrant orange hair and smashed his mouth closer to hers.

One arm wound its way around her slim waist, the soft skin there exposed by her cropped top sliding against the skin of his arm. It felt like a little bit of heaven to Zoro. And that soft feminine scent she carried, even despite the obvious smell of alcohol on her, didn't fail to turn his bones to gel.

Pulling himself away for air – he couldn't breathe because he would have had to remind himself and his brain could not handle so many processes at once – Zoro sucked in a breath and opened eyes he had not realized he'd closed. He was falling for her, wasn't he?

No.

No, he wasn't.

Zoro turned to the wide-eyed crew and scowled.

"Happy now?" he asked sarcastically before storming past a wooden version of Sanji… a wooden version with a strange white apparition floating above his head. When his shoulder bumped into the wooden Sanji's, the cook fell to the floor like a log and twitched.

"She got what she asked for," Zoro muttered, stalking from the women's quarters.

'_You got what you wanted too,' _the voice in his head whispered. '_You got what you wanted.'_

* * *

**SO! That was it! Haha sorry if I disappointed in any way! I am thinking about a follow up three-shot called Inebriated Marimo, where the tables are turned…. But not sure yet. Tell me what you think, and please do review!**


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